Well I am back,,,,

Well, back from my holiday renewed and refreshed and ready for whatever the world can throw at me for another year.
Of course holiday’s are a time for relaxing and generally slobbing about, none of this activity holiday lark for me, dossing about by the swimming pool suits me just fine. This of course involves wearing a swimming costume, having dutifully packed my trusty knitted woollen swimming trunks (older readers will remember those go swimming, get out of pool, trunks fall down due to weight of water retained in trunks!) I was smartly told no way was I going to wear those so a trip to a well known sportswear retailer was duly convened. Now call me old fashioned but for swimming I like swimming trunks but apparently you cant buy those anymore unless you want to spend a months wages on a pair of what Olympic swimmers wear, you have to have bathing shorts. Shorts of course is a misnomer, shorts as the name implies should finish somewhere between your groin and knees but today it seems to refer to anything that finishes short of your ankles, or something that looks like Eric Morecombe’s boy scout shorts in that memorable sketch. “Its fashionable” I am told, well I couldn’t care less, I flatly refuse to walk about wearing something that looks like a normal pair of trouser that have shrunk in the wash. I am old enough to remember the way that younger brothers and sisters had to wear hand me down clothes and how they never fitted properly now young people pay small fortunes for ill fitting ridiculous looking clothes. Why do kids who go skateboarding have to wear trousers with the crutch flapping round their knees? Not only do they look silly they must be bloody uncomfortable.
Of course being on holiday also involves eating out, on arriving at a restaurant you are presented with a menu, most dishes nowadays are given fancy names and equally fancy prices but when you enquire of the waiter what exactly is this dish you are given some arty farty fancy dandy explanation but when you reduce it to basics is it one of two things, stew or grilled meat, after finishing your stew or grilled meat that has been stewed or grilled with some unmentionable, unpronounceable and virtually inedible sauce laced with god knows what strange herbs you come to the coffee. Now this in itself is a journey into the unknown, when you ask for “coffee please” you are given a choice, just from memory there is a choice of, Espresso, Cappuccino, Espresso Lungo, Espresso Americano, Ristretto, Latte, Macchiato, Doppio, Mocha.
“ Err, no thanks, I JUST WANT A CUP OF COFFEE,,,”
“ Well Sir we have Espr,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

“ Look forget the coffee, bring me a cup of tea please”

“ Would Sir like Assam, Darjeeling, Ceylon, Formosa Oolong, Souchong, Lapsong, Bing Bong, Sing Song or Ying Tong”

“ look, forget it, just bring me the bill.”

Which brings me to the point of this post and that is the interpretation of modern language ie,
Latte, Espresso etc means you have just paid to much for that cup of coffee,
Lapsong, Suchong, Ding Dong etc means a bloody expensive cup of tea,
Fashionable means you are about to be ripped off for a piece of tat that makes you look like a complete and total wally.